It’s often said in the relationship circles that women “need” love and men “need” respect; whatever the hell that means.
I’m not sure how that assumption came about or what statistics substantiate that claim, but I do know this, respect for most men is something that is demanded.
If we don’t get it, we get defensive, indignant even.
For some of us, it can alter our self-worth and esteem in our marriage. And those feelings can lead to feelings of inadequacy, contempt, and even resentment.
As husbands, do we need respect? Necessarily no.
Do we crave it? Sure.
Do we deserve it? Well, that’s To Be Determined on an individual basis.
Whether you deserve a little respect as a husband depends on how you act as a husband.
Are you making it difficult for your wife to continue to respect you the way you wish to be respected? Do you respect her?
Do you respect yourself?
The answers to these questions will determine if you deserve the respect your desire (and maybe even demand).
Deep down, when we begin our journey with our wives, we expect respect (and usually have no problem getting it). We also are hearty in how much respect we give to her.
But as time passes, we veer away from the fundamental elements of respect. Or we never really understood them in the first place.
We become too familiar with her and start to take her for granted. We begin to treat our neighbors with more respect than our own kind.
Respect is a simple solution to an exceptional marriage. It isn’t as sexy as the others, but it’s a long lasting virtue that should be ingrained in the essence of a husband’s being.
Here are three key elements to respect that you would do well to memorize.
Respect is earned. It’s not something you demand “just because.” Of course, as husbands, we want respect automatically. But expecting respect enables a sense of entitlement; and you might not be entitled if you aren’t earning her respect day in and day out.
Respect is reciprocal. The more you give her genuine respect, the more she’ll respect you. This is NOT about being a push over, or refusing to address issues head on. That’s not respect. That’s cowardice.
Respect can’t be bought. There’s no amount of money, gifts, or other forms of material equity that can take the place of respect. Only you can manufacture it; that’s why it’s so valuable to your marriage.
I’m serious about memorizing these. This will help you revisit how respect in your marriage is being utilized.
Having these elements of respect tucked away in your mind, will give you the opportunity to identify patterns and errors in judgment that you might be making in real time.
Or at least they’ll give you a way to analyze how you can improve your ability to give and receive genuine respect on a day-to-day basis.
Respect her by the way you speak to her, how you provide service toward her, and how you think of her.
The bottom line on respect is this: The more genuine respect you give your wife, the more you’ll receive from her.
So if husbands really do “need” respect, that just means they need to genuinely giving it.
Like I said, it isn’t a sexy or grand lesson. It’s actually small and boring. But it is effective and worthwhile mastering.
From one husband to another,