Note: This post is longer than usual, only because there’s much to be said on this topic.
I don’t believe in marriage equality.
At least not according to the convoluted meanings and contexts that populist thinkers and organizations try to push.
What does it mean to be equal any way — that everything is split 50/50 in marriage, perfectly symmetrical, like an apple pie?
There’s only one context in which I believe in equality; and it’s as a human being.
I’m equally human relative to my wife (and to my fellow Homo sapiens). But I’m also superior to her in other ways.
Likewise, she is equal to me as person, yet superior to me in other capacities.
Any other definition of marriage equality forces the modern husband into a perpetual pissing contest that provides no comfort and zero relief.
Your wife is definitively superior to you when it comes to having a child.
Our wives can experience both the pain and joy of childbirth.
It’s a beautiful responsibility; one that men will never experience.
Their bodies are perfectly built for propagating life. Our bodies aren’t. That makes them superior within that particular context.
On the contrary, we’re definitively superior to them when it comes to writing our names in the snow with our own urine. (Hurray for us!)
My wife has brilliant organization skills, where there are times where I couldn’t tell you what day it is — seriously.
Neither of these metrics makes either of us more or less equal to one another as human beings (husband and wife); none of this addresses the theoretical, warm and fuzzy notion of what “marriage equality” is or isn’t.
Equality within the parameters of life (and marriage) should propose that one’s life exceeds no value higher than another life. That’s it.
How ridiculous would it sound if we were to claim “equality” for all husbands who want to experience childbirth …
If we were to claim “It isn’t fair that our wives gets to have all of the babies. We’ll never be able to experience the pain and the joy of childbirth. And because of that we’re entitled to something. We want equality!”
Sounds crazy, right?
It is … and yet that’s exactly what people do.
Symmetry is not a prerequisite to marriage equality — responsibility is …
If your wife washes five dishes in the sink and you wash five, does that mean you have achieved equality in your marriage?
No, of course not.
That’s stupid, because you will never wash an equal amount of dishes over the course of your marriage, all of the time.
Which means that in this example, if someone believed marriage equality were a function of symmetry, marriage equality itself is dynamic and fleeting.
Defining marriage equality based on the premise of symmetry or proportion lacks the joined wisdom of both husband and wife in the relationship and reduces it to geometry.
Should your wife feel empowered because you have come to see the merits of equality in marriage and have decided to wash exactly five dishes to her five, thus co-opting you into a head-to-head pissing contest that you can neither win nor lose?
I would hope not.
If this is something that empowers my wife (which it does not), then it would only reveal the fragility of her own sense of worth.
Does it mean I’m excused from washing dishes?
The point is this: Marriage equality is born of responsibility and a sense of duty toward each another.
And only when we fulfill our sense of duty and responsibility to her, can we create a foundation where true marriage equality can thrive.
The same goes for her.
Marriage equality is a function of that very sense of duty and responsibility toward each another. And when it is disproportionate, marriage quality eludes us.
And only each individual couple can pin point that, together in unison.
Society can’t do it and neither can the industry “experts.”
You know how marriage equality should be defined in your marriage — out of a true sense of duty and responsibility.
My apologies for the rant …
My apologies for the rant, but I really feel fellow husbands need to hear this — for the sake of encouragement.
There’s enough shame and self-loathing that we deal with.
This phantom concept of marriage equality is set to doom marriages and hurt husbands who have no malice, nor desire to control or lord over their wives.
And it will only entice the balance of assholes that believe their wives are nothing more than obedient “serfs” who only exist to serve the “King of the Castle.”
For those who lean toward another out of responsibility and a genuine sense of duty, the phony idea of marriage equality will disrupt the healthy dynamic that the two have agreed upon, consciously or subconsciously — when they vowed to love and cherish one another from the very start of their union and during the daily grind required to nourish it.
The populist notion of “equality” in marriage, an agenda pushed by many different organizations (political and non-political), comes at a two-fold risk of castrating the Modern Husband while providing a false sense of empowerment to women in marriage, who have something to prove — that they are indeed “equal.”
Of course they’re equal … but only necessarily as humans.
In no other way can equality be defined within the context of marriage.
Because it doesn’t exist in any other context.
And if societal pressures “enforce” marriage equality through the tyranny of public opinion, based on highly touted aesthetic constructs, we are doomed to a perpetual, inescapable pissing contest with our wives …
One that husbands can neither win nor lose.
From one husband to another,