Almost any husband should be able to relate to this.
It’s happened to me many times during the course of my marriage and I’m sure it’s happened to you.
My wife and I will be out with friends or family and we’ll begin talking about relationships.
We start to reminisce about our experiences with each other as husband and wife. We laugh. Rib each other a little bit.
And then my wife will resentfully say something like …
“Do remember that time when you told me I was boring?” Or “Do remember in 2006 when you didn’t even get me a card for Valentine’s Day?”
Yikes! I begin to cringe and get uncomfortable in front of every one.
“I can’t believe it” I say in my own head, “What in the world is she talking about?” and then I start thinking of ways on how I can best defend myself.
If that’s happened to you before …
Husband, you just got smacked!
Your wife remembers certain experiences that have negative affected her in the past. Especially the smaller ones that you might not remember.
She remembers those incidents.
These are experiences that have materialized years ago. They’ve just been sitting there, in your wife’s subconscious mind for years.
And just because you don’t remember them doesn’t mean they’re gone. They resurface and that’s when you catch a beating.
The problem is that those negative memories she has are imbedded in her mind.
The question is, if our wives remember those “small things” that us husbands didn’t even bother to remember – what other negative memories and experiences do they store in their minds?
And more importantly, how are they affecting her attitude toward us now?
How to fend off a beating with The Resentment Stick.
When my wife brings up something in the past, sure, I could just let it go. I could just say, “Oh well, it’s not my problem. That’s something she needs to work through.”
Yeah, I guess I could do that.
But how is that going to help her out any? After all, I was part of the negative experience in the first place, right?
Didn’t I contribute a bit in putting that poison in her life?
Truth is, I was likely so absorbed in whatever was going on personally at that time in my life that I never gave what I said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do, much thought.
And that’s a sad fact. Because I completely failed to prioritize what was important and what wasn’t.
What’s even more challenging is that when my wife expresses her resentfulness toward me, I have to decide how I’m going to handle it.
If you find yourself in the same situation in the future, here are three options for you to consider. Choose wisely:
You can brush it off and keep moving forward – without addressing the cause of her resentment.
You can get defensive and argue with her – likely to harbor more resentfulness on her part.
You can apologize to her. See your error in judgment. And amend your ways.
Since I’ve been married, I’ve opted to use all three options whenever I’ve been thrashed with the resentment stick.
You’re probably a much wiser husband than I was at the time, so I’m sure you understand that option #3 is ideal. That’s how you fend off a beating from The Resentment Stick.
No you can’t change the past, but you can make amends until your wife realizes you’re actually genuine.
That’s where real progress, as a husband, is made.
I can tell you this from experience … if you give your wife a reason to smack you around with her resentment stick; it’s going to leave you feeling embarrassed and inadequate at some point in the future.
It doesn’t feel good.
So your best bet is to pay attention to the small stuff. And learn to adopt the philosophy that … EVERYTHING COUNTS.
This will save you the embarrassment and deep sense of inadequacy that most men feel when their wives’ resentment turns into non-stop criticism – and it will spare you the sting of her resentment stick.
That and a little gratefulness will take you a long way with your wife.
From one husband to another,