Independence and Interdependence: Having Best Of Both Worlds In Your Marriage

A healthy body can only function properly when each independent part of the body works as it was designed to work.

Each organ has its unique job to do.

If it can’t or simply won’t, then the entire body is at risk of underperformance, sickness, and possible death.

As the law of cause and effect is constantly at play in the human body, so too is it in your marriage.

Simply put, the overall health of your marriage begins with the independent strength of both you and your wife.

After all, if you’re both weak individuals, how strong can you expect your marriage to be?

Create Your Own Inner Personal Victory

When two become one and choose to share their lives with each other it’s a beautiful thing.

Two people have agreed to become dependent (to some degree) on one another. But there is also a risk brought about by this inherent sense of interdependence.

The risk is this: That each individual in the relationship tends to neglect his or her own sovereign selves; seeking security and comfort in their spouse, but forsaking their unique ability to find it within themselves.

Of course there is a balance between selfishness and selflessness in marriage, but in order to strengthen your marriage, you must continuously strengthen yourself – in every area of your life.

This is the ultimate Personal Victory.

That means looking to you first, when things aren’t going as planned – and being accountable and taking responsibility for your own thoughts, attitudes, actions, and results in your life.

Skipping to interdependence in your relationship, without acknowledging the importance of your own independent Personal Victory means offering a substandard version of yourself in the marriage.

We should be shooting for the Top-Of-The-Line versions of ourselves as husbands (and individuals).

Let Your Light Shine As An Exemplary Husband

Your journey to the independent Personal Victory will force your light to shine within the context of your marriage.

You know how it works …

As your thoughts change, so will your attitudes. As your attitudes change, so will your actions. And as your actions change, so will your results.

It’s this cause and effect relationship that will sharpen your effectiveness in your role as a husband in your marriage.

Leading by example is the most influential (and relevant) form of leadership you can possibly adopt in your marriage.

As powerful as words are (both in negatively and positively charged ways), your actions are what will speak volumes to your wife.

The path to your own Personal Victory will set the tone and standard for you, as an exemplary spouse.

As your wife sees your strength and resolve, inspiration persists.

Banish Competition And Embrace Cooperation

Independence shouldn’t be misconstrued for selfishness entirely.

Sometimes people are highly independent, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they are selfish.

Problems arise when the two independent roles in a marriage do not support the overall Union, with one going one way, the other going in the complete opposite direction – without any purpose that relates to the overall relationship.

This leaves the door wide open for jealously, internal power struggles, ego, arbitrary expectations of gender roles, and resentment; to creep in and infiltrate what was once a genuine relationship.

All of these forces lead to fierce competition (conscious or subconscious), instead of cooperation.

When both you AND your wife have achieved your own Personal Victory, it’s much easier to see the forest for the trees – to cooperate instead of compete, to work on the same side with one another, instead of against each other.

When Two Personal Victories Become One Spectacular Triumph

Yes, it’s true, two do become one when they get married (becoming a team), but are they better off?

Is the new entity a stronger one, or is it just a new body with two weak people?

Couples who are fully conscious of their individual contribution to their relationship are those who commit to continuous improvement and maximum effectiveness in their role in the marriage.

They understand that the strength of their marriage is the total sum of each individual’s strength.

These couples inspire and encourage their spouses to be better versions of themselves.

Both spouses have achieved their own Personal Victories at an individual level. In doing so, they both have triumphed spectacularly in their interdependent marriage.

This is an exceptional accomplishment given the sentiment and statistics regarding marriage in Western World.

From one husband to another,

Meetch Martinez

PS Cheers, to a new year of strong independence and interdependence in your marriage!

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Written short and to the point, for the husband with a busy schedule – roughly 5 minutes an issue.