When was the last time you’ve recited your wedding vows to your wife? Heck, when’s the last time you’ve recited a portion of your vows to her?
I’m guessing never.
If I’m wrong, then good for you.
But I don’t even remember what I said at the altar when I married my wife.
And if I did remember, I’m pretty sure I’d look back at my younger self and say, “You have no clue of what you’re talking about.”
I don’t mean to sound crass or offensive, but it’s the truth.
Most couples get up on the altar and spew nice sounding rhetoric that ends up becoming fairly useless when it comes to forging a lasting marriage.
A sober assessment, absolutely.
If I were to do it all over again, I would write my wedding vows much differently.
They wouldn’t be romantic or conventional by any means.
You wouldn’t find any fancy prose or empty promises either.
They would be brutally honest assessments of what most newly wed husbands are in for, when they decide to get married.
It’s best that they be prepared, don’t you think?
Here’s my new set of wedding vows with a much more practical perspective on marriage.
#1 – I promise I’ll learn the powers of telepathy so I can read your mind.
#2 – I promise to let you be right, even when you’re wrong (even when I’m chomping at the bit to prove you’re wrong.)
#3 – I promise when you ask me if you look fat in any outfit, I’ll reflexively respond “No.”
#4 – I promise I’ll do nothing to cause you to want to poison me, or smack me in the head with a frying pan in the middle of my sleep, or run me over with the car. No, you won’t end up on Google News for killing your husband.
#5 – I promise when I look at other women, they’ll all have big hands, Adam’s Apples, and deep voices.
#6 – I promise no matter how much you tell me “nothing is wrong,” when I know you’re pissed, I’ll insist – to avoid the effects of harbored resentment 20 years down the road.
#7 – I promise foreplay on a quarterly basis.
#8 – I promise I won’t resent you when you become a Sex Camel, after the children come.
#9 – I promise you I will do stupid stuff, I will aggravate you, and I’ll give you justifiable reasons to regret marrying me.
#10 – I promise I’ll always be honest with you, even if it means you’re likely to withhold sex.
That’s exactly how I’d re-write my wedding vows.
Some of then are veiled with comedy.
But even still, they are honest representations of a married mans’ concerns and challenges in marriage.
As you can see, they aren’t sugar coated and they aren’t likely to make your wife’s eyes swell up with tears of joy, but at least they’re are honest and forthcoming.
Sure, honesty like that can be a bitter pill to swallow. And in the middle of a wedding ceremony, they can seem a little inappropriate.
So if I were to do it all over again, I’d have two sets of wedding vows: Show Wedding Vows (the ones that everybody hears you say) and the Real Wedding Vows (like the ones listed above.)
Either way, your vows should mean something.
For many couples, their vows are just words, that the pressures of life and the passing of time quickly erase.
How would you re-write your wedding vows? Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. In the subject line write “Wedding Vows.”
I’d love to hear from you.
From one husband to another,
PS If you haven’t already checked out one of my featured articles from The Fighting Couple, click here to read it.