Every day our emotions take us on a roller coaster ride that can define the type of husbands we will be, if we let them.
From happiness to sadness. Anger to joy. Frustration to a sense a fulfillment. From hope to utter desperation.
Our emotions have a tendency to guide our behavior. To determine how we respond to our wives and how effectively we serve them.
Personally, letting my emotions rule me seems like a more difficult approach to fulfilling my role and responsibilities as a husband.
Because if they are constantly changing throughout the day, each and every day, it just means that the quality of service I provide my wife changes too – my effectiveness, as a husband, will never be consistent.
That’s why we need a better approach to fulfilling our roles as husbands.
Reactive Approach vs. Proactive Approach.
Letting your emotions guide your behavior is a reactive approach to living.
Being able to acknowledge your emotions and subordinate them to an underlying set of chosen values and principles is a proactive approach to living.
In the short-term it’s easier to be reactive, because it doesn’t require much thought. Like a lower thinking animal, all you need to do is react. It’s efficient, but not necessarily effective.
Especially in cases where you react in a destructive way toward your wife.
On the other hand, taking a proactive approach as a husband requires a little bit of thought up front. But the idea is that you put some work into defining your values first, so you have a guide for your behavior when the emotional roller coaster begins.
The choice is yours, but you must decide.
You can be a reactive husband or a proactive husband. You can allow your feelings to determine your level of service. Or you can let set values do so.
You can be a husband who relies on his personality. Or one who focuses on building his character … a man lead solely by emotion, or by well defined principles.
A husband’s creed.
If you were to write out the kind of husband that you wish to be on a piece of paper and look at it every day, do you think it would help you any?
On that piece of paper you would list what you value most in being a husband and the underlying principles that support your values.
That piece of paper would be a guiding document that you can turn to when you’re not quite sure of how to respond to your wife or what to do when a situation arises in your relationship.
It would be like taking an open book test for your marriage.
Having your own creed is another one of those handy little tools that you can pull out to help you in real time, when you need it most.
It serves as a reminder of the type of husband you believe you are – or desire to be – even if you’re not acting like it at that exact moment.
Almost every branch of the U.S. military has developed a unique creed. Sports teams do it also.
Why? To help remind them of who they believe they are. And consequently, how they should act.
If they see the value in it, shouldn’t we as husbands?
Decide today what kind of husband you are, by writing out your own “Husband’s Creed.” And let it guide your behavior for the rest of the week – and if you find that it works, use it for the rest of your life.
From one husband to another,
PS I know it’s Monday, but take ten or fifteen minutes to start working on your own husband’s creed.
Nothing fancy. If you’re having trouble, just start with some of these thoughts …
“What type of husband are you/do you want to be?”
“What do you believe your purpose as husband is in this life?”
“What do you value most in your relationship with your wife?”
If you can honestly answer those three questions, you should have most of what you need to develop a working creed. And if you’d like a template, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll share my personal “Husband’s Creed” with you. In the subject line, just write “Husband’s Creed.”